I Don't Like My People Much

“Well, I may be white, but I don’t like my people much.”

That line, from the Dawes song “Hey Lover”, got me last night. Because, you know, white people are all stupid mother fuckers. Everybody knows that.

I joke, but really…we’ve (is that even the right pronoun? It could easily be I’ve or they’ve) done some pretty fucking stupid things. And really, it’s humanity…I think. I’m selling stupid people from other races short by saying whitey is a stupid mofo.

We’re all perfectly capable of being completely fucking ignorant. I think ultimately whenever people think that they’re better than or have some superior knowledge than their fellow man, things get fucked up. The kind of “I know what’s best for you” or worse “do as I say not as I do” mentality.

Like how big of a fuck you is it to the Native Americans that we not only tell them where they can and can’t live out their way of life, but also we’ll continue to celebrate a national fucking holiday in honor of the first white man to “discover” America. How is that okay?

And not only did we fuck you over, but we’re the deciders of how it’s going to be made right. Give the real Natives casinos? That’s the answer? Fuck white people.

I quoted Father John Misty a few blogs ago, but dude is good enough to get another mention. He sings, “First house that I saw. I wrote 'house' upon the door. And told the people that lived there they had to get out, cause my reality is realer than yours.”

Fucking white people. They’re reality is realer than the Native Americans? I’m ashamed of being white as it relates to that story. It’s embarrassing. We get to just take over whatever land we want. Why is that? And as if that isn't bad enough, this country, not that long ago, said it was okay to enslave our fellow humans. That’s just sick. What the fuck is wrong with white people?

I was talking to my kids about all this stuff tonight and Riley said she would have been one of the people who helped the slaves get free. I could’ve patted her on the back, but I cautioned her instead, trying to make her think. I asked her what if she grew up in a family that for years and years had slaves. That’s just how it was. There wouldn’t necessarily have been a right and wrong to it, but a really flawed way of thinking passed down from generation to generation for so long that bullshit ended up being passed off as truth.

I want my kids to understand that and how that concept applies to present day American Christianity. I want to tell them all about the fucked up ways of thinking that were passed down to me. But, that doesn't mean I have the answers. I want them to know that I'm flawed. That we're all flawed. And everything I teach them isn’t going to be solid gold. I want them to think for themselves. I want them to be slow to assume the position of teacher and instead always be conscious that we have tons to learn from everybody and every story.

We talked about how ridiculous it was for my uncle to hate black people because he got beat up by a few black kids when he was a kid. Would he hate all white people if it was the whites who beat him up? It’s illogical, but tradition and emotion can shape the most ridiculous of behaviors.

And nowhere has there been more shame for me than recognizing how fucked up my old Christian life was. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was a good person, but I was a narrow-minded dick head. My reality was realer than the “non-Christians”. They needed me to help them.

Fucking hell they did.

I needed help. We all do. I didn’t need to preach at people or tell them not to get an abortion or try harder to not want to have hot man on man sex. My know-it-all Christian lifestyle didn’t leave room for people to tell their stories. Black people have gotten fucked over in this country. Native Americans too. The white is right bull shit is the same as the Christian bull shit.

We’ll tell you what reality is. We won’t listen to your side of it. We won’t acknowledge that we could be the ones who are wrong. We’ll just onward Christian soldier our way through this life. Marching ahead without a fucking clue that we’re marching to the beat of a drum that is so far from what Jesus’ religion was supposed to be about.

Fucking over people that got in your way? Was that what he said to do? We deserve this or that because we’re better than other people? Was that a bible verse? Fuck no. At the bottom of everything, we’re all fucked up. No exceptions. We’re all the same.

I can’t shake my white-ness, but I can give up on my Christianity. I don’t need to carry the shame that I don’t like my people much around with me anymore. I don’t have to be the guy who fixes other people, because he can’t stand the thought of fixing himself. I can honestly say I don’t know what’s best for you…I’m barely getting by myself, so how can I possibly be an authority on how you should live your life?

Still, one thing I do know is that when I get my shit out in the open I feel better. Who knows if anybody gets anything out of this, but man…I just know that I, like a lot of white people, was raised in a way that led me to believe we had all the answers, when in fact our heads were so far up our own asses that we didn’t know which way was up. I don’t know if that condition is reversible, but I think writing and listening to other people give me a fighting chance to not be so god damn white.