alternative facts

The size of the inauguration crowd mattered. The poor ratings of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s reboot of Trump’s reality show mattered. The size of Trump’s hands mattered. Which network had the best ratings for inauguration coverage mattered. Responding to Madonna by calling her “disgusting” mattered. Calling Meryl Streep “overrated” mattered. And maybe most telling, saying that the media, “are among the most dishonest human beings on Earth” mattered.

No man. That kind of shit does not matter. Unless…you’re the kind of person who can’t be wrong. Then your inauguration crowd has to be the biggest ever. Your ratings have to be the highest. Don’t like what someone says about you? no problem…just call them names. And then the ultimate elementary school “I know you are, but what am i” level argument...blanketly calling an entire group of people (the media) dishonest.

Is Trump honest? It doesn’t matter. The media isn’t. Did Meryl speak some truth? Who cares what she says, because she’s an overrated (aka 3 time Academy Award winning) actress. People like Trump are constantly trying to shift the focus off of the wrongs that they’ve done or lies that they’ve told and an easy way to do that is to find fault with their accusers. That way they never actually have to answer for what they’ve done. It’s the old misdirection.

Had we ever heard of “alternative facts” until recently? No, because they don’t exist. Except to people like Trump. There is the truth. There are the facts. Those two things are, at times, inconvenient for the always right, so a new phrase had to be invented to account for Trump’s inability to function within the confines of reality.

And I wanted to write about it today, because there have been significant people in my life who have mind-fucked me on repeat with behavior just like Trump’s. How many Trump dissenters out there are fucking exhausted already? It’s emotionally draining to try to wrap a logical mind around what’s been done in Trump’s first week. Not just the executive orders, but also an attitude that says he gets to play the game by his own rules (for example not resolving the conflict of interest that owning his businesses creates while in office).

I know that attitude. I’ve lived with it most of my life. Years ago, my sister told me a story that she’d go to my dad with an airtight case of how he had hurt her and she’d leave the conversation feeling like she was the one who had fucked up. Him being wrong wasn’t an option. So, alternative facts were presented to a child. The child’s hurt remained and guilt was added to it without the satisfaction of the one who actually did wrong apologizing or changing.

Blaming kids. classy move. There is no way to come out of living with a person who acts like that without having your mind completely fucked. I was told we had a happy family. I was a kid. I believed it. And then I grew up and could think for myself and realized how much bull shit went on in my house.

Abuse went on, in part, because our family knew that you don’t question the leader. That became my reality in my marriage too, especially so post-divorce. She’d screw something up and on the back end say things like “for someone who is so big on grace, you sure are slow to give it to me.” You fuck up. And because I don’t give you grace, I’m the bad guy. That’s not how this shit works.

But, the minds of those who have hurt me and Trump’s mind just don’t follow reason or reality. With them, it’s follow the leader. My way or the highway. And, in my experience, they never take accountability for their own actions because they literally can’t accept that they’re ever wrong.

I’m sure I’ve told the story before but one significant person in my life backed into a parked car. And blamed the parked car. That’s insane…that anyone would even consider blaming a stationary object for something they did. But, not only is that what happened, they got away with it. The car wasn’t supposed to be parked on the street during those hours, so the ticket went to the stationary object and the person actually at fault was off the hook.

Dealing with that kind of thinking is exhausting. And I acknowledged today the toll that has been dealing with Trump-like people all these years. It has absolutely undone me. I’m constantly in an unwinnable fight. I’ll have a few months of peace and quiet only to be subjected to alternative facts which blame children for bad adulting.

And so, on the one hand, I sympathize with all the Trump detractors who are all over facebook day in and day out throwing their hands up at his latest Trump action. And on the other hand I know firsthand how fucking awful it is to let crazy people make you crazy and wanted to speak up and say that it is going to take a toll, mentally and emotionally, to try to process all the stuff that Trump has done and will do.

To me, the worst is watching the people who are bat shit crazy run their game in such a way that they actually have supporters and admirers. If those people knew who that person really was …umm…unfortunately it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. Trump can grab pussies, but somehow has conservative Christians defending him.

How is that possible? Maybe because followers follow. Whatever the leaders say, the followers believe. That’s one of the things I hated about my old Christian life. The sheep mentality. Think for your fucking selves, man. And when Donald is a fucking ass hole, call him a fucking ass hole. And when he responds like a child, call him a child.

I saw someone on facebook the other day say “all politicians lie.” Trump’s lies are fine because everyone does it? That’s just more misdirection. The sheep covering for the shepherd. As a reasonable human, I want to argue that point with the person who made it, but that accomplishes nothing except getting us further away from whatever Trump lie started the conversation.

While we’re arguing on the internet, Trump finds the time to appoint the former Goldman Sachs president to his cabinet and piss off Mexico. The constant with his first week in office is chaos. It’s very hard to get on top or stay on top of all that Trump is doing, because there are too many moving parts. If you keep moving the target and changing the rules, your opponent will never beat you.

And that takes me back to the end of my last long term relationship. Being wrong and saying sorry wasn’t an option, so it became this never ending conversation about any and everything that would take the focus of the lies and hurt caused.

And I realized that’s why it’s going to be really fucking hard for me to get over that. I let her in my very small inner circle. She was on my side. And knew all the trump-like mind fucking that my dad and ex-wife did to me. And in a move that still makes my head spin, she proved to be just like them. Home wasn’t home. It was a lie.

And we’re being lied to. and bullied into believing the lie that this pathological liar of a president is going to make America great. All I see so far is division. And that is the opposite of great. He is what’s wrong with America.

Watch the movie “the Big Short” if you haven’t seen it, shake your head at the written words before the closing credits and then let it sink in that Trump just appointed a former Goldman Sachs president to lead his economic council. Cheat. Get bailed out by the government. Take leadership position in trump’s white house. Are you fucking kidding me?

There’s seemingly no end to the bull shit. Make America great by starting fights that don’t need to be started? With mexico. With actresses.

This whole thing really is my worst nightmare. The hell I’ve fucking lived through because of the actions of crazy people in my life. And now a person who thinks like them and is revered by millions is in charge. Like he’s literally the commander in chief. This is real life.

The band Spoon has a new album coming out and wrote in their ad, “just in time for nuclear winter…” that’s fucking possible, right? Nuclear war. Anything is possible when you have a thin-skinned, has to be right, name calling, alternative fact waving man who has the ability to bring us down with him.

I had a dad who took me down. And an ex wife. And every fucking day it’s a battle to get back up and to want to try. it is fucking exhausting trying to cope with the way they think and what other people think of them and me, because alternative facts are their reality. Many, many times I’ve closed my eyes, shook my head and muttered “you cannot be fucking serious”. And all over my facebook, every single day Trump is providing his detractors that same mind-numbing head shaking feeling.

The good news is, it will never get better. People like that do not cave. Ever. There will be no admittance of wrongs and unless he does something so far beyond okay that he gets impeached, we’ll have at least four years of this. It’s going to hurt the brains of some very smart people. Blood pressure medicine stock would be a great investment. It’s fucking stressful to watch in horror and feel helpless to be able to do anything about it.

The scariest thought is to think what will happen when the crazy becomes normalized. When Trump has done so many fucked up things that nothing surprises us anymore. It becomes, at least it’s not as bad as the time he did x. we lose our ability to keep calling bullshit when there is bullshit everywhere.

God, I usually write myself to better places, but my dad, my ex wife and my ex girlfriend, they fucking got away with murder and somehow have respect and support. I’m fucking painfully alone, mind-fucked on the daily and I just can’t see how that’s what is deserved based on what happened.

Sweet. Thanks for the pick me up, matt. You’re saying, Trump is president, so we’re all fucked. I guess so. But, also I know that what has helped me the most is talking shit through with other people who have been through shit like me. It’s therapeutic and will be very fucking necessary. Watching this reality show unfold over the next few years is going to test our mental health as a nation.

If my personal experience is any indication of what it will be like, god damn is it going to be hard. But, giving up and backing down and letting alternative facts be our nation’s reality isn’t an option. We have to keep fighting. I would have given up long ago in my personal life in dealing with the ex, but I fight for the kids. and we have to find reasons to keep fighting.

Read the shit that gets your head back on track. Just a few words from Bernie sanders did the trick for me the other day. The other thing I’ve seen is how easily people are getting consumed with this stuff. I’ve had the same trouble in my personal life and I’ve found that you just have to take breaks. If you post about it and think about it and talk about it all the time, it’s going to literally drive you insane.

In the oval office, Trump put up a portrait of the president who presided over the trail of tears. Yes. Our minds should explode when we hear that. But, we have to find ways to keep our own mental health as we learn to live with a president who is not in his right mind.

Welcome to my world. I guess in a sick way it’s comforting that you’re here. I’ve been out of my god damn mind for years, because I’m largely the only one who sees/is forced to deal with the ones who are never wrong. And honestly, it’s a big deal to have people talking, expressing themselves, finding others who see things the same way they do with the Trump stuff and in general. Keep calling bullshit. Keep getting those feelings out. when shit is not okay we need to call out those who need calling out…for our own sanity and for all the parked cars whose rights are being run over by president trump.