What is he supposed to do now that he’s all choked up, but she’s okay? He chooses to fall to pieces. But, really he was broken from the start. He was too dependent on her. He loved her way more than she loved him. He’s waking up to this nightmare that she’s off with someone else and is already over him, while he’s realizing that “she’s finally got a man that will put her first.”
I was talking to a friend from the bar the other night and she was talking about her boyfriend not wanting her until she was gone. He wasn’t what she needed and she had to move on. But, once she did all of the sudden her ex could see how he fell short as a boyfriend.
It was like this rut that their relationship fell into. She did so much for him and he made sure to take full advantage of her kindness. She got some of her worth from being there for him, but at some point realized the return on that investment wasn’t going to make her happy in the long term.
So, she grew some balls and thought about her future. And split for good. She’s doing great now and has been with someone much better for her for months now. She chose healthy. And really, by doing that, gave her ex a chance. When he was completely dependent on her, he didn’t have a chance to find his own stride. His worth was her…“the best part of me was always you.”
That ain’t love. You gotta practice the self-love before you go public with that shit. Trust me. I’m an accomplished lover of self. No, but really it took me being completely single to get to the point where I could see who I was outside of my marriage. And my therapist has been key in opening my eyes to how great I am.
It’s so easy to let our identity be tied to a relationship…or a job…or a church/religion. And it’s rare to get a chance to figure out who you really are. Not, I’m cool because I have this hot girlfriend. Or I’m a fancy lad because I’m a junior executive at the firm. Or I go to that really progressive church where they play guitars acoustically.
Who are you really? Do you have any idea? Strip it down to the just you and what’s left? Would you fall to pieces just like the Breakeven singer if you lost your job or your significant other or your church? I did. I lost all those things and I was a fucking mess.
But, life offers do overs. Who am I? I got to find out the hard way, but I’m glad I did. I had to have my heart broken to see that I’m someone whose heart breaks for the heartbroken. I had to really fuck up my life to see what it feels like to be an outsider to the church.
And you know what’s crazy? The moment that meant the most to me when I was stripped down to just me…on my own…without all the things and statuses that made me who I thought I was…that moment was when I realized I was the woman caught in adultery.
That story from the Bible. Some random woman. Who liked to fuck random guys, but one day got caught. That’s pretty crazy, right? Who the fuck caught her? And why did they catch her and not the dude (lady? oh, shit…what if she was adulterous with another lady)?
But, I could relate to her in the sense that I made friends with a stripper and felt like the people in my world were ready to condemn me for not being faithful to my marriage. But, like her, I got my Jesus and me moment when he told all the aspiring stone throwers to get bent. And one on one he said to me “neither do I condemn you.”
That’s love, you see. Setting us free. Giving us a chance at a better life. Love doesn’t pigeon hole you into being just like everyone else. Love doesn’t confine you to a cube. And kill your dreams. Love is wanting the other to be happy. And really to be able to give that we have to be happy with ourself. That’s harder than it should be, but fucked up parents raise fucked up kids and we’re all fucked up.
But, we have to battle. And do the things that make us healthier. And when we realize the best part of us is somebody else or some meaningless job or some church…we need to fucking bail. And take the road less traveled. And find ourselves. And let the Jesus tell us that we’re pretty fucking great as is or we wouldn’t have been brought into existence in the first place.
And once we love ourselves, we’ll start looking for relationships and situations that bring out the best in us, because we deserve that. We don’t deserve a spouse who confines us to be something that we’re not. We deserve a spouse that sets us free to be our real self. We don’t deserve to work a soul sucking job just to pay the bills. We deserve a line of work that fits who we are and breathes life into us. And church, well…to be determined…I still have too many hang ups to figure out how to do church right, unless church can be getting drunk and talking about our real shit at the corner bar.
“Love that will not betray dismay or enslave you. It will set you free.” Live in freedom man. Let your real self out. Love of or enslavement to the mainstream is bull shit. Don’t buy in. Once you stop feeling the need to look like everyone else or give a shit what everyone else thinks…yeah, see…that’s when life begins. All I had to do to get there was have everything fall apart. When my heart broke, it did not break even and thank God for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment