Common Ground Zero

I just caught part of "Celebrity Rehab". Rachel Uchitel was talking about having her fiancee die in the World Trade Center. It was just a clip from an old episode, but I remember it well.

She and Dr. Drew went together to Ground Zero. She was lamenting the fact that no one could understand what it was like to be sleeping next to her fiancee one night and the next day have him fall 40 floors to his death and have his body found four months later. She felt alone with her tears.

Then a man appeared. He lost a loved one in the World Trade Center too. Someone else did understand. There was someone who went through what she did and felt what she felt.

How hard must that have been to face her shit...to actually go to the very source of all her unhappiness...but man, what was on the other side. Freedom. Heart to heart. That I'm not alone feeling.

No one gets me. No one will understand. I'm alone. I used to think all of those things. But, a woman appeared. She might have been dressed like a stripper at the time, but that's not who she is. I needed her to get me to the other woman...the therapist.

And the feeling she gives me is just like the one Rachel experienced. I didn't think there was hope. I didn't think I'd be understood, but I was so fucking tired of living so uncomfortably.

And to be living how I am now is a gift. To be able to write from a place of humility, knowing what I've been through...it's night and day compared to how I used to write. I wanted my funny and people's response to it, to fill the uncomfortable...to make me feel okay. But, that was so fleeting.

I think we all find things to make us feel better temporarily. Foods. And hobbies. And humor. And shit tons of alcohol. But, what if that uncomfortable can be filled for real...for good. What if we actually can find the healing that Rachel found in meeting someone who got her? We can. We just have to be willing to put ourselves out there.

It's fucking scary. But, tears cried with someone are so much better than tears cried alone. We all have our shit. We all can find common ground with anyone if we both share our real story. Come out of the shadows man. Give it a try. There's plenty of people just like us.

I shared some real shit at a bible study one time. The response was fucking hilarious. They didn't know what to say. It made me gunshy to share real shit with people. But, ya know what I realized? Those weren't my people. So, we share some shit with people who don't get it. So what. The people I want in my life are the ones that I can share my shit with and who feel free to share their shit back. And the funny thing is...I think that's everybody, some just aren't ready to meet me or others at ground zero yet. You're not alone. You with the shit you can't face. You that wants to face your shit, but doesn't know how. You who did that awful thing or had that awful thing done to you. You're not alone.