Lewis and Clark

I was just talking with a buddy of mine about writing. He talked about being able to see things that he wouldn’t ordinarily see when he puts words on paper. Like, he’ll be writing and the thoughts that come up as he gets into it just appear. One thought naturally leads to another. Same thing happens with me. I sit down and don’t necessarily know what I’m going to say, but as I write thoughts reveal themselves. It’s in me, but I didn’t know it was there (that’s what she said).

It’s like exploring new territories. Maybe we’re all brilliant, but we just haven’t tapped into the parts of our heart and soul that prove that. That’s what’s so cool to me about the creative process. There used to be nothing on this page…my canvas. I sit down and start to create. Maybe I’ll say something ridiculous. Maybe I’ll say something fantastic. But, something comes out of nothing. And when we create, we do it not just for ourselves and that indescribable feeling we get, but also for others, that they might hear our story and be able to relate to it.

Yesterday I was writing my morning pages (the book I’m reading has me writing 3 pages every morning when I get up to clear the clutter so that I’m freed up to write what I really want to write) and in the middle of it had this idea about Lewis and Clark. They discovered something great. If I paid attention in history I’d know what it was, but my point is that they were artists. They weren’t mainstream. They could’ve accepted jobs at the family firm and settled, but they blazed their own trail, literally.

So, I was picturing this idea of the artist within me, being Clark. And the rest of me being Lewis. My whole life Clark has been pleading with Lewis to hit the narrow road. To go exploring. To get out…see what’s out there. Live some fucking life. But, Lewis has accepted that he’s not going to have a voice. Lewis resigned himself to the fact that we won’t win. We’re not going to try.

Lewis said, “Okay…I give up…I’ll take that job in corporate America that sucks the fun out of me for the good of my family. It’s what everybody else is doing, so it must be the right thing.” All the while Clark is dying, screaming, begging…“Nooooo!!!!!!!! If everybody is doing it, it’s probably boring. Let’s go man…we need to break out of this prison.”

But, the fear in Lewis’s voice…the fear of the unknown or worse the fear of rejection…made me listen to him and not Clark. But, then I got fired from corporate America. And gave up on my religion. And Lewis and Clark are finally working together.

Why do we settle for jobs that suck the life out of us? That make us miserable? Work is inevitable, but I don’t think a lot of us see the cost or the toll that work that doesn’t fit takes on us. We focus on the paycheck that we need to pay the bills and the 401k and all the other things that don’t matter and forfeit our soul to the greatest pyramid scheme out there: corporate America…where the men on top make tons of money while threatening lay offs and re orgs to the point where the employees feel lucky to be there. And then one day you wake up and think, “How the fuck did I get so far off track?”

And that’s the thing with this new way I’m trying to do life. I don’t have a path and that feels a lot more on track to me than I ever felt working for the man. Artists don’t have a blueprint…that’s the whole point. It’s not go to this college and get this degree so that you can get this job that a million other people have done before.

The path of an artist is as blank as this page was when I started…just a glimmer or a small idea inside me. I didn’t know where this was going to end up and I have no idea where my writing will lead me, but Lewis and Clark are all telling me to do some exploring. And they’ll be better guides than Jack and Daniels have been for me (One time they lead me to land forehead first on my hard bedroom floor. That shit hurt.)

I have no idea what’s ahead. But, I know that when something takes me away from being creative, I need to go the other way. I don’t need to be popular. Or financially successful, I just need to be true to me. Live life. Observe the crazy shit that happens. Write through the hard stuff and the amusing stuff. But, most of all just blaze my own trail.